Something I Usually Don't Talk About

When I woke up this morning and my very challenging son used a method to climb up the beg only to give me a sleepy smile then to crawl on my stomach to snuggle me I thought about a day that feels like it happened on another planet.

Please let's go back in time (insert wooshing here), Elyas' pregnancy was a total surprise (long story don't let me bore you w/it). I was totally terrified that some medication that Tarik was taking would jack up my baby or my sugars being out of control so early in the pregnancy would jack up my baby etc... so yes I had an amino on our wedding anniversary no less!

Well I can't tell you how amazing it was to find out we were having a boy, I mean really I didn't care, I thought I was having another girl because, well because I already had one so that ment I was having another one right? NOPE IT WAS A BOY!!! So now we had our girl and now I was being given this gift of a boy. I thought the universe was being kind for once, oh the irony at that alone sends me into my best evil laugh!

It was an ordinary OB visit, I had tons of them. I got to have another scan and in my thinking all was good. That was until my sweet OB got to tell me that usual bit of, "We don't want to worry but we seem to think he has some extra fluid on the brain". WTF? How do you not worry, I mean I didn't at the office because I didn't have time for the words to sink in. Then the sun sets and your alone w/your thoughts...and then your up at 1 am w/Dr. Google. That helped TONS let me tell you!

I had to go to a special office w/a high powered machine thingy, and they, not really assholes but because they made me wait a week, yes a whole week to get in I call them assholes. The very same people that told me I was having a boy, were fully and completely assholes according to me and that's all that mattered...so for over a week I had to contemplate the idea that there was something wrong w/my son even though the amino said "it's all good lady", see assholes, all of them.

I didn't many people, I didn't want anyone to feel like I did at that moment, esp. if there was nothing wrong in the end. That was just stupid to do that to people I loved.

In the end my son didn't have any fluid on his brain, he just had a big ass head! Well that alone brought up new fears and I think I started demanding a c-section cause there was no way I was gonna have my lady business trashed up again!

As a Mom I need remember when I get frustrated at his little arse I need to think back about the time when I almost lost him. I think I will go hug him right now.

Kristin